Widows, ghats and the Holy Ganga

Well it happened…for the first time in India I found people who didn’t think that I was the best thing since sliced bread.  My friend Celine and I went in search of the widow ashrams that are here in Varansi and had a very difficult time.  In a more draconian interpretation of Hinduism, women are not considered human without a linkage of a male relative whether father, brother, husband or son.  If a woman loses her husband through death then it is perceived that she has failed somehow to keep him.  Let me interject here by saying…this is one segment of the Indian population and I am NOT saying that all or most Indians practice this custom.

As I said before Varanasi is a very holy city where pilgrims from all over to bathe in the Ganges(they call Ganga) to wash away karma and free them(muksha.)  Also, Hindus come here to give final ceremonial end to a person’s life by burning their body by one of the ghats along the Ganga.  Many people come here right before or close to death so that they may be burned.  It is believed that the burning allows the soul to completely separate from this life and earth and if the body still exists then the soul will be attached to it.  The male members of the family(women are not allowed, I’m told because they are too emotional) first wash the body in the Ganga.  One male family member(usually father or son) shaves their head and wear a white outfit called kapthl then circle the body five times with straw that is on fire..once for each element.  They then set the pyre and body on fire while saying prayers, the body takes about two hours to burn and then the ashes are thrown into the Ganga while the family walks away not looking.  I’m sure there are things I’ve omitted but thats the general ceremony.  There are two main burning ghats and the operate 24 hours a day.  Not all are able to do this ceremony as the wood is very expensive, also babies, sadhus(holy men), pregnant women, those with leprosy, snake bit victims and animals are not burned but go directly into the Ganga because they are already considered pure.

As I walked along the ghats I saw burning ceremonies, a few wedding ceremonies and children and life all around.  Here they are all and the same…for Hindus heres these are all merely different stages of life and the soul including the burning ceremonies.   Varanasi is truly a photographers dream come true and I took many from the boat on the river and walking along the ghats including the evening puja(prayer ceremony.)  I have to wait until Calcutta to put them up.

Celine and I went to an astrologer/guru yesterday and I learned that I will have a happy life and die at 82   Varansi is full of sadhus and gurus and they have many disciples who follow them and get spiritual advice.  Not so much my cup of tea…really the fact that you have to bow to your guru and kiss their feet was where I walked the other way.  Many foreigners come here and stay in the ashrams or on the streets in service of their chosen guru.  Hmmmmm…

I have been trying to get answers about why people with disabilities are treated so poorly(again, not all) but I am treated like a rockstar and frankly at best I hear that I am just someone they never see.  The fact that I am and was born in India makes a big difference because it is not completely strange to see a white westerner with disabilities.  Somehow, I think that I am perceived as defying karma…some Hindus believe that a disability is punishment for past life or current bad deeds.  Some here say that it is because I’ve made something of myself while people in India are merely beggars or considered lazy.  I point out that these people have no choice…I did.

Back to the widows…some are dropped off here by there families to live out there days in ashrams though many end up living in dirty, small homes with other widows.  They shave their heads and wear plain white saris as to not be attractive, they also restrict their diets in an attempt to cleanse or purify themselves before death.  The Indian govt is suppose to be paying a monthly amount to the widows but many never see this money and are forced to beg or rely on charity..in extreme cases, younger widows are forced into prostitutions.  There is a home here opened by the Missionaries of Charity for abandoned widows and that seems to be the better alternative.  Again, not saying that all widows end up like this..just sharing my experience.

Celine and I tried for hours to find the widow ashrams and found that most people either didn’t want to talk about it or gave us odd directions.  One man said he would take us there but instead took us to a place where he wanted us to make a donation for those who cannot afford to be burned on the ghats.  Finally we were directed to a dark and dank staircase that lead into a dirty hallway and into a room where 4 women sat.  It was one room with a Hindu altar in the middle and some clothes lying on the ground.  The women greeted us warmly and offered us a mat to sit on, they only spoke Hindi and we could not really communicate with them.  They were curious about my lack of arms and took of my sweatshirt to show them…they wanted me to immediately cover up.  Celine went to get chai for all of us and I was left with them as they chattered away and earnestly tried to tell me something I could not understand.  After about 10 minutes despite our language barrier it became apparent they wanted me to leave, I gave them some money and left.  Celine brought them the chai and was again “told” that they asked me to leave and she felt like she should as well.  I haven’t spoken to any natives(Indians) about this but my only guess is that my disability is more of a curse then their widowhood and may affect their purifying themselves.  Though I’ve never been asked to leave, I have been asked to “cover up” by wearing a shawl or my sweatshirt to hide the fact that I have no arms.  I’ll ask my Indian friend about this when I return to Calcutta.  I was sad..not for myself, but for them and many others who are imprisoned by these beliefs and customs.

I am going to a Buddhist area today called Sanarth and the Bodi tree there is said to come from the sapling of the Bodi tree where the Buddha received enlightenment.  Then I take a train back to Calcutta for my last jaunt in India.  More then.